Things I did not plan on doing today

Drugs: Red Bull. 3g of that same shit I had yesterday. Topical anesthetic and local anesthetic. 3g more of that same shit I had yesterday. MORE TOPICAL ANESTHETIC AND LOCAL ANESTHETIC. A handful of ibuprofen. A FUCKING FACE FULL OF VICODIN.

The law of unintended consequences: sure, those bags of Lemonheads sure tasted good. But fourteen years or so later, you are going to pay so badly for your crimes. Originally had appointment for fillings. Had fillings, the dentist at one point pretty much said holy shit and ran off to find the insurance girl while the assistant installed something that she made me guess about because she wasn't allowed to "diagnose" me. Ended up that what she was installing was a temporary filling and making me an appointment for a fucking root canal.

An aside: every little child has instilled in them from the age of zero that root canals are a Bad Thing.

I actually started shaking at first with rage when my insurance started playing rope-a-dope goalpost moving games to weasel their way into only paying 30% of said root canal. I am now convinced that insurance girls have their own special place in heaven where they are fed grapes by the guys that starred in 300. Then magically the 30% turned into 80% and I was whisked away to the endodontist, whereupon I started shaking because I hadn't had caffeine since way too early in the morning.

Finally I started shaking because the endodontist had a needle the size of a motherfucking harpoon, and he wasn't afraid to use it. Liberally. In that my ears are still numb from the Kodak Dental Systems (yes, that Kodak) anesthetic.

(By some stroke of genius, the endodontist had an LCD TV mounted to the ceiling for me to watch while getting drilled, filed, and cemented. It must be the only one that exists outside of Cribs.)

So now that I have ibuprofen and Vicodin in my face it's time to sleep it off, I think.

P.S. A hearty FUCK YOU goes out to Aetna for wanting to send me 200 miles to get my root canal. Go die in a fire.