About Me

I have no reason to be unsatisfied with my life. I have a BS and a MS in Computer Science from a university with a solid reputation, a well-paying job in South Carolina, and I live a relatively drama-free existence. However, my life so far could be characterized by the three great virtues of a programmer -- laziness, impatience, and hubris.

I hate it. Hate hate hate. Hate.

My approach to education was apathetic. I chose Computer Science as my major because it came easily to me, not because I particularly enjoyed it, and my GPA suffered as a result. (If the subject didn't interest me, it was hard to find the motivation to go to class, much less take notes.)

March of my senior year was one giant oh-shit moment. I was sliding toward graduation and had no real post-graduate plans. I had no job lined up and had made no serious plans to go to graduate school. I was saved by my undergraduate advisor, who singlehandedly muscled me into my school's MS program, four months after the application deadline.

I did not learn from the consequences of my procrastination. My performance in my graduate coursework was adequate, but my progress on my thesis work was not, and a year and a half after its original due date, I received an ultimatum from the department -- finish the thesis by the end of the semester, or quit. At that time I had been stalled at 90% complete for six months. While I rearranged deck chairs on the Titanic, my MS was slipping through my fingers. I was so distractable that I couldn't concentrate on my thesis work for any more than five minutes a night, and the constant throb of stress was leaking into my day job and my relationship with my girlfriend. At the urging of said girlfriend, I went to the doctor, where I was promptly diagnosed with Adult ADHD and issued a prescription for Adderall, 10mg.

My thesis was finished that week. In retrospect, I wish I could say the achievement was mine alone. The Adderall opened a well of confidence, motivation, and focus, and to risk melodrama I can say that I drank deeply. The thesis claims to be dedicated to my father, but it should be dedicated to Adderall, my performance enhancing drug.

Selfishly, I am still looking for a greater satisfaction. The drug saved my degree, but it hasn't made it any easier to deal with my drudgerous little job, my intellectually lame co-workers, or my unhealthy tendency towards boredom. If nothing changes, I will never achieve the so-called American dream -- I am too lazy to pull myself up by my bootstraps, too impatient to accept that success can't be immediate, and too prideful to admit to myself that the first two are true. Regardless, the fundamental narcissism of my way of life demands that a change be made.

I will win admission to a top ten law school. And not pay a dime for it. I am too nice to negotiate successfully. I fold under pressure. Yet I deconstruct arguments innocently and gleefully, like a toddler deconstructs your dead grandmother's china. I read Groklaw like a rubbernecker. I would almost certainly make a horrible lawyer, but I will enjoy myself, and in the new calculus of selfishness that alone makes the effort worthwhile. This blog will document my effort.